Friday, April 30, 2010

worship

tonight i spent $243 on a popcorn maker and it was worshipful.

our family attended a fundraiser event for Brooklake Christian School. the school is a part of the church we attend by the same name. it was their 14th annual round-up style silent and live auction complete with its very own auctioneer. i had seen the posters up on the walls of the church building marketing the event and was intrigued. i was even more excited when it was advertised as a family event complete with a western-themed party for the kids and bbq for the adults. karl enjoyed himself just as much when he sniped the vintage cinema-style authentic popcorn maker at the last second for a cool $108. the rush of wondering if we could be the final bidder was good fun - and taking home something that will replace our burnt microwave popcorn on movie nights was splendid, indeed.

we bid on a few more items, but let them go to a higher bidder, all while learning about the fun things seattle has to offer: kayaking in lake union, harbor tours, live bug exhibits and mariner's games. then, when it was time for the live auction, the excitement grew when the auctioneer began his ceremonious yodeling increasing the bids one after encouraging audience members to vye for winning the prized item. holding up our large print numbered card as a bidder, making sure you didn't slip up and hold up your card mistakenly was innocent fun.

i was completely surprised when i started crying...perplexed, really. it just felt so good to spend money so freely. we completed our purchases with an additional $35 to get the principal and 5th grade teacher out of "jail" as well as $100 towards the school's purchase of an automatic defribilator. the tears kept coming and i told karl i had no idea why, but it felt so good to give, and in the giving receive.

that's my new definition of worship - giving and in the giving, receiving. the atmosphere of so many parents and grandparents supporting their child's school in a fun way was moving and i'm not sure why it was so. maybe because in my own private christian school education there wouldn't have been anything like it, but more, it was freedom to give knowing it was all for a good cause, and yet in the giving, the good feeling is what i received.

the bright red popcorn maker will sit on our countertop as a reminder to me that giving isn't meant to be a burden, an obligation, a principle or rule. its meant to be worship. it is in giving that we immediately receive, when the giving is done wholeheartedly, without reserve, just because you support what you're giving to.

just some thoughts about a night that moved me to tears...simply, yet profoundly i was happy.

k.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

life doesn't wait for mondays

mondays - they have always signified new beginnings, a chance to start over, more opportunity for success than a thursday. however, when change is beckoning at your front door, it is no repector of days, it comes quickly, fiercely, without warning, and often unwelcomed.

it's wednesday night, and i wish it were sunday night so i could use the momentum promised from the first day of the week to usher in the change that is relentlessly knocking...knocking...knocking. i'm waiting to be prepared before i'm willing to change. there are lists to make, schedules to ready before this change is welcome. and still, it knocks, obnoxiously, pestering me to welcome it now. i'm not sure how long i can keep it at bay. how long can i bear the pestering thumping in my mind, on my heart, and the frantic pulsing through my bloodstream. change wants in. why am i so resistant? would i be if it were monday?

what makes mondays so special. the reality check is that monday is a flag day - a signal for me to get ready. and in that signal, i take the reigns. i take charge. i'm in control of the what, the when, the how. mondays are all about control. if i welcome change on a thursday night - won't i be out of control all weekend and the change won't stay? what if i am not prepared to welcome change on a midday friday afternoon? if i'm a mess when change comes knocking, i can't control how long it will stay. however, if i use saturday to clean, and sunday to prepare, then i'll be more hospitable come monday morning and change will want to stay around longer. i can't yield control because i can't bear to have her leave. i can't bear to hear her knocking without promise that she won't turn away when she sees the state i'm in. so, just wait, change. please wait until monday where i'm more sure that i'll be prepared for you and you'll want to stay. she says she will continue to choose the time that she shows up - but she'll leave the choice of opening the door up to me...

so, i can wait until monday and give myself time to plan and prepare risking that change may get tired of knocking and walk away. or, i can invite her in tonight, ask her to stay, and let her decide if my lack of preparedness factors in to how long she will.

k.

Monday, April 19, 2010

it's that time...

...time to breathe. i've been reading and writing psychological perspectives for 3 weeks straight. now is the time to pause and begin the creative process so desperately needed after these desert times.

where to begin? i've had blog posts rummaging around amidst the chaos of my mind looking for a clean corner free of graduate school debris. now that the dust is settling i want to clean out some space in my mind and in my day to write, creatively.

i was thinking about starting a series on "word associations". the process would be to think of a term or a phrase and let my mind wander where it takes me when that word is brought up and see if on the wings of a stream of consciousness i can practice alliteration, personification, hyperbole and even onomatopoeia in an attempt to water my mental drought with creativity.

that sounds like a good place to start.

k.

p.s. i will take requests. send me a phrase or a word and let me see where it takes me...