...that my daughter tells me something that breaks my heart. tonight, Lucy was upset because she was singing a song and kept making mistakes and not getting it perfect. after a few exchanges i realized she is terrified of making any mistakes, because if she does, people will think, as she already does, that she's not good enough. she said that two other girls in her class draw hearts and stars better than her. she tearfully argued that she practices more than them, but theirs are still better. she went on to list the many ways she isn't as good - not in math, or in drawing rainbows or unicorns, or even in writing her letters - some are too big and some are too small and some are too wiggly, she said. every account that she claimed she wasn't good enough broke my heart into tinier pieces.
how can my beautiful 5 year old, 1/2 day Kindergarten attending baby look at the big world around her and tell herself she's not good enough? where did she learn that mistakes are bad and perfection is the only good? of course, i blame myself. but how did i go so wrong, so fast?...and if it's only taken her 1 semester of Kindergarten to realize there are people better than her at things and those people are preferred, how long will it take me to teach her how wonderful she is? will she ever know how great i think she is? how can i show her, because obviously I haven't taught her.
tonight, with tears in her eyes, my daughter told me she isn't good enough. will my tears be enough to change her mind?