right now, i'm crumbling under the weight of everything that's undone in my life. my papers are not finished. my finals are not studied for. my reading material has been collecting dust since my first research paper began. my relationships are in the deconstruction process. and my body is begging me to care for it: to eat better, to sleep more soundly, to turn off the mental messiness long enough to breathe deeply. i feel like i'm about to self-destruct. even now, as i type, i feel clammy and pale, my stomach is empty and full at the same time, my forehead is wrinkled with furrows. i'm tense, and worried and nervous that my body may not hold up to the crumbling; that it may melt and seep into the cracks of the chaos. for now, i'm a mess...and i don't want or need anything nice, neat, or symmetrical...i just need to make it through with some semblance of solidity...to not be completely dissolved in this process.