Sunday, September 13, 2009

why do we settle?

some of the songs that have stirred me lately seem to have a recurring theme. the constant message is that we think we have it all, but we're really just settling for only what we've experienced personally. here are some lyrics as examples:

"I want a crumb, but you are a feast
I want a song, but you are a symphony
I want a star, but you are a galaxy."

"What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?"

i'm not sure why these lyrics from separate songs have gripped me at the same time, at this time, but i'm learning to listen to my visceral responses to things - all things, even music.

maybe i've settled too long and its being brought to my attention that there is more. maybe i've doubted that there was anything better than what i already have. maybe, like the new testament story, i believe, but there is still much unbelief. have i settled with what i know, because i don't believe i can't learn anymore? have i settled for unintimate relationships because i don't believe there's anyone who wants anything else from me? have i settled for a distant relationship with God because I don't believe he wants anything more from me but my obedience? have i settled for happiness because I don't believe in joy?

what comes first - the experience of more understanding, intimate relationships, the presence of God and joy - or the belief that they do indeed exist and are meant for me?

how long will i stand on the shores of this life's vast ocean?

k.

Friday, September 4, 2009

i made it successfully through my first week of grad school.

after 3 full days of orientation and then sending Lucy off to her first day of school today, i'm trying to organize some thoughts of this transition - but suffice it to say, there will be some posts in the future on such things i've learned as: solidarity and connectedness - the theme of what i took from this week.

and it may surprise some to note that a part of my first week of classes there were lengthy discussions on disney's the lion king, as well as spiderman and batman - in class, not just peer conversation...crazy, i know!

mars hill, here we go!

k.