Monday, July 27, 2009

getting ready

i started reading The Healing Path thinking it was required reading for one of my first graduate school classes. i was determined not to read one word of something that wasn't required because i'm most afraid of not being able to keep up with the work at Mars Hill and believed i needed a jump start. turns out, the book is not required reading, and yet, i have no regrets for starting it now.

one phrase that jumped out at me that has kept me curious since last week is this: "We know from pain what we most deeply desire." in a sense, if i can identify my greatest pain, i will have an inkling of my greatest desire. who knew? who knew that going back to what hurts us most can unlock the passion behind what we want most.

i've felt locked up for a long time. without hopes and dreams and desires. and until lately, i didn't know why. i've recently discovered it's because my hurts have been locked up too. i've shoved them under the rug and picked myself up and dusted myself off and ignored the things that have hurt me most and have thus ignored the spark to light what i desire most.

a lot of the book is about hope and faith and the foundation of those truths being rooted in our stories. allender urges us to remember, remember, remember...both the hurts and the redemptions. so, i made a list. admittedly the hurts were more than the redemptions, but i wept in writing both lists. why are we so quick to forget? if we were to pause long enough in our hurts and our redemptions, would we have more of a grip on our story and therefore have more hope in co-authoring our future?

we forget because it hurts. but another quote from the book encourages me to acknowledge the hurt: "deserts can be restored with rain; faces redeemed with tears." and another passage that i'm still working with, "joy is the taste of the presence of God as he surprises us with his gracious love."

until next time - hopefully sooner than this time has been...

k.

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