Monday, July 27, 2009

getting ready

i started reading The Healing Path thinking it was required reading for one of my first graduate school classes. i was determined not to read one word of something that wasn't required because i'm most afraid of not being able to keep up with the work at Mars Hill and believed i needed a jump start. turns out, the book is not required reading, and yet, i have no regrets for starting it now.

one phrase that jumped out at me that has kept me curious since last week is this: "We know from pain what we most deeply desire." in a sense, if i can identify my greatest pain, i will have an inkling of my greatest desire. who knew? who knew that going back to what hurts us most can unlock the passion behind what we want most.

i've felt locked up for a long time. without hopes and dreams and desires. and until lately, i didn't know why. i've recently discovered it's because my hurts have been locked up too. i've shoved them under the rug and picked myself up and dusted myself off and ignored the things that have hurt me most and have thus ignored the spark to light what i desire most.

a lot of the book is about hope and faith and the foundation of those truths being rooted in our stories. allender urges us to remember, remember, remember...both the hurts and the redemptions. so, i made a list. admittedly the hurts were more than the redemptions, but i wept in writing both lists. why are we so quick to forget? if we were to pause long enough in our hurts and our redemptions, would we have more of a grip on our story and therefore have more hope in co-authoring our future?

we forget because it hurts. but another quote from the book encourages me to acknowledge the hurt: "deserts can be restored with rain; faces redeemed with tears." and another passage that i'm still working with, "joy is the taste of the presence of God as he surprises us with his gracious love."

until next time - hopefully sooner than this time has been...

k.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

what i've been doing

while i've been out of sight, dear blog, you have not been out of mind. i've just had my hands in just a few things getting ready to move to seattle. i thought i'd make a long...long list of everything we've been doing to our house in order to get ready to move. i think by putting it down in a list, somehow, i'll feel more satisfied for the state of sheer chaos we've been in for the last 2 months. it all started when we got back from our awesome family vacation to disney world at the end of april. the following describes may and june.

get ready for garage sale.
have garage sale (madness!)
gut the backyard
shovel 10 tons of new rock
many cubic feet of new dirt
lay down sod
plant shrubs and flowers
add mulch
fix back fence
install blinds in every window
fix toilets
repaint bath/laundry room
patch holes
install new microwave
replace outside lamps
buy new doormat and hanging plant
replace indoor lights
fix broken sprinkler pipe
install new sprinklers in the backyard for the new sod
paint back steps
replace several door knobs
change light switches and outlet covers
weed eat
edge/trim/hedge trees and bushes
pack and move into storage unit first
take remaining items to move into parent's basement
have another garage sale
fixed any broken shingles
moved 10,000 comic books

from this list, you'd think we lived in a broken-down-shanty-shack. but, i can assure you that these were all fixes that have needed to be done - but we needed to sell half our belongings at two garage sales before we could have money to make our house look beautiful, right before moving out of it.

hmmm...? strange. but true.

k.