Tuesday, March 10, 2009


I only have a few minutes to check in before I tend to a mound of school work. I just dropped Annika off at the airport and we said our goodbyes. It was so great to have her out here for a few days! Having the opportunity to share a bit of my experience out here with those who have been a significant part of my life is a true gift. Here are a few photos of our time together!

These days I'm wrestling with higher levels of anxiety in association with being more fully exposed to others. It's so clear to me now that this anxiety is associated with my deep fear that I am too much for others to handle. I have such a hard time letting go of all inhibition. I'm usually fairly tame in these blog posts...I notice how much I hold back...how much I attempt to abstractly describe what I'm feeling rather than bare all. I think that this trepidation is understandable considering the public nature of this sort of discourse. But for some reason, I'm feeling urged to plow through the passageway of my own discomfort. Sexual metaphors are always within the innerworkings of my mind, so as an attempt to press on through the passageway I often dance around, I'll let go...at least this once.

"Let go" - that's often what I find to be the most difficult task of all. As a woman, surrender is the necessary prerequisite to experiencing orgasm. In order to reach a point of indescribable pleasure, union, intimacy in it's physical manifestation, a woman must surrender her anxieties, preoccupations, and self-containment. She must let go...completely. Orgasm is the moment when she truly shows up.

But letting go with someone who is not in awe of your willingness to surrender can be an incredibly painful experience. The fear of such pain may rob us of true glory...unless we learn to walk through the passageway into the land of surrender. May I learn to walk this journey with greater determination, passion and desire, while never losing sight or sound of the merciful warnings indicated by the initial anxiety. The anxiety serves a purpose. It reminds us that the ground beyond this passageway is truly sacred. We must take our shoes off and so must those in whom we wish to greet on the other side.

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