Thursday, February 12, 2009

knowledge smells

bear with me - i will make a point.

i was driving down the mountains this morning after my counseling appointment. there was so much information bound up in my head. all the knowledge i had just gleaned, had just heard, had just learned, was tying itself up in knots in my mind. and as the pressure increased in my ears with the changing altitude, the knots in my head got tighter and tighter and i felt it would break under the pressure of trying to process so much new knowledge. i wanted so badly to immediately transfer the information into my becoming, into my being. but it remained only thoughts twisted in my head.

and it occurred to me, knowledge is to smelling what experiencing is to tasting. you can learn all you want, hear all you want and take in so much knowledge - but it still is nothing compared to the experiencing.

what if you lived near a fantastic mexican restaurant, but because of your heart burn issues, you couldn't actually eat the food, but you had to perpetually smell the cilantro, the jalapeno, the onions and the tomatoes, but could never savor any of it? your mouth would always water, your stomach always grumble, hunger pangs would never go away. you'd be in a constant state of yearning and not having, of desiring and being left unfulfilled. oh, the tension i feel now just imagining the wanting and not having.

that's how i feel about all this knowledge permeating my brain. it wafts in and out of my mind with its tempting flavors of insight and it's aroma of wisdom and yet i want more! not more knowlege, not more smells and tantalizing taunting, but the experience that knowledge speaks of. i don't want to just know. i want to KNOW. to continue with my mexican metaphor: yo no quiero saber. yo quiero conocer!!! i want to experience intimately all that this knowledge speaks of. i don't want to talk about transformation - i want to be transformed! i don't want to whisper about love, i want to love and be loved well! i don't want to speak of risks and passion, i want to dare and desire! enough luring. i want the taking!

knowledge has done for my heart what smelling has done for my stomach. lured me into wanting the main course - not just tiny remnant particles of it.

k.

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