so - every year, without fail since i knew what they were, i've made new year's resolutions. when i was more disciplined (back in 8th grade), i would make resolutions to not be so loud, to memorize verses and poetry, to work on my etiquette. now, its pretty much the same thing every year: lose weight, eat right, exercise, get out of debt, etc...and no matter which cloak the resolution takes on (i.e. lose weight by training for a 5K race), it can't mask the fact that in the past, i have only achieved one of my many new year's resolutions (i did run a 5K race, but didn't lose any weight).
with a new year, how about a new idea - out with the old, in with the new! instead of a new year's resolution - how about a new year's question to ponder over and over again in the year 2009? i have decided - or possibly resolved (:0) to ask myself this question before as many decisions and actions as i can:
"will this (fill in the blank) be good for me?"
not "will this benefit someone?", "will this make someone else happy?", "will this make me look or appear to have it all together", "will this keep me out of trouble", "will this make the bad feelings go away - even if for just a little bit?" because i fear those are the questions i've been asking myself my long 31 years - and as noted, they haven't brought me closer to who i want to be - or that person that i resolve to be every year.
instead, i want to ask myself these questions, and act on the answer. "will this extra helping of cake be good for me?" "will this impulsive buy - because i want it and don't need it - be good for me?" "will taking on this extra committment be good for me?" "will sleeping in be good for me?" "will worrying about him or her be good for me?" "will watching this show be good for me?" "will having this conversation be good for me?" "will spending my time mindlessly and aimlessly be good for me?" "will running from my problems be good for me?" "will going for a walk be good for me?" "will calling a friend instead of cleaning my bathroom be good for me?" "will sitting down to snuggle with my daughter be good for me?" "will getting up early to have peace and quiet be good for me?" etc...etc...
while this idea may not be altruistic - i have to believe in the nature of loving myself for once before trying to love others. i've spent so much time thinking about all the things not to do - i want to meditate and call to the forefront of my memory a question that will change the negative messages i've been listening to all my life. it will remind me of what's most important. being good to me means i can be better to others.
so, we'll see this year, "will it be good for me?"