Despite my heart's desire to "embrace my own thrilling life", I've found that this is no easy task! I'm sure that's not a shocking discovery - but dang...it's a tough one. I've narrowed the requirement down to one seemingly simple discipline - TO BE PRESENT. But now after attempting to grow my own ability to be present for nearly a month now, I'm quite convinced that it is clearly no simple task. Why? Why is my mind always running to places my body is not able to follow? And as I attempt to be more present to my daily life I begin to wonder is there ever a time, a space, for the mind to wander? Is it ever useful? And if it is, how do I discern where and when it can go free?
Questions. There are always so many questions running to and fro. There used to be a time when the questions felt more desperate. Now they have slowed to a simple jog - still a fast enough pace for me to feel like I can't sit still...but not so fast that I feel like I'm going to die from exhaustion. Should I feel encouraged by the slowing pace? Maybe this whole discipline of presence is a process. Everything is apparently a process these days. Maybe it's like when you've been running for 45 minutes on the treadmill and you finally hit your cool down. I don't know about you, but usually by that time I feel like my legs are no longer attached to my body and I fear that at any point in time I'll simply collapse. But the obligatory cool down countdown automatically occurs. I only stay on the treadmill because I don't want to have to end the session by pressing any buttons (which may cause others to think that I was just too out of shape to finish what I set my mind out to do). So maybe I'm in the cool down portion of my journey right now. I'm just wondering how long this cool down will be considering I'm 29 and I think I've been running since I entered this world. I guess this process could take a while. If only I could figure out how to take deep breaths of fresh air during this process to aid the cool down pace.