Friday, June 27, 2008

the good mother

i might have found something to take daily pleasure in: waking up early to go for a walk with my ipod playing the music you sent me.

i know you've run into someones less enthusiastic about your music choices than you are - but i'm not one of them. when i downloaded the CDs you sent me, the titles and artists didn't come up in itunes. so, each song is still a mystery. in fact, i haven't listened to every song on the two discs you sent because i'm too much in love with the mystery of not knowing them all. i don't want to listen to every one, because then they'll be a mystery no longer. so, instead, i start the playlist from the beginning every time and the shuffle hits some songs i've already heard, but then...ahhhh, then...i'll hear a new song - a mystery - and voila' - i find great pleasure in listening to what it has to offer.

but more than just pleasure in your music selection, i feel mothered by it. nearly all the songs have lyrics that speak to a thirsty soul. phrases like, "if you fall i will catch you-i'll be waiting-time after time," and "lets not try to figure out everything at once," and "all that matters is the love you gave away," wrap me in their warmth, reminding me i can trust, i can relax, i know what's important. and more explicitly, lyrics such as, "don’t let your heart get heavy, child; inside you there’s a strength that lies," and "i'd heal your wounds if you bleed," are both convicting and comforting in their maternal message. and the best mother asks her children questions, while giving them her permission - encouragement, even - to figure the answers out on their own:

"do you know where your heart is?
do you know where your love is?
do you know where the end is?
do you think you can see it?
until you get there
go on
go ahead and scream it!"

i hope your practicum group felt loved and mothered through the CD that you gave to each of them. i know i did. i felt it through every selection you made to compile that memorable CD. in a few, moving songs, i am further reassured that you're on the right path. you, sharing your heart through music, is a giving and a receiving act - both of which must be present in a therapeutic relationship, yes?

so, whether or not people receive what you offer - your music, your listening, your pressing, your bearing, your suffering for, and your hoping in - what you have offered is a good mother. you have offered "shelter, [you] give them shelter from the coming storm."

k.

1 comment:

:::No Longer Mute said...

I've been reluctant to respond to this post for lack of knowing exactly how to express just how much I appreciated your own "mothering" words. I've read it multiple times and each time I'm moved in a different way. The first time I read it I felt guarded by you and protected by you, for you tend to see my heart when I put it out there and you acknowledge it as sacred ground. The following readings of your post assured me of your deep understanding of what I long to communicate to others. And this morning as I read your post yet again I felt encouraged by it. As I'm finishing up my first year here at MHGS I've become exceptionally aware of how exhausted I am - emotionally, mentally, even physically. It has been a long and challenging year, though the beauty has been worth the toil. Your sweet words reminded me of the truth that I am where I am supposed to be for now for this moment in time.

~S