my participation in facebook might be taking me further from the things that i want. the transformation i desire is asking me to change my current ways and practice being vulnerable, taking chances, risking...all of which are available on facebook with every friend request, message sent, or picture posted. with a click here and a comment there i'm offering myself for someone else to either accept or reject me - not just my screen name - with one push of a button! i'm amazed at how easy our culture makes it for me to feel less-than.
i send a 'friend request' out into the void and i hold my breath, waiting and hoping that it will be accepted - and thickening my skin for the times that it isn't. but my dilemma is that i already have thick skin - that's what i'm trying to alter, work on, fix in me, transform - and yet i'm inviting more of the sameness i don't want with every request sent. why?
does peeking in on every one's lives bring me intimacy? truth? inner transformation? i don't even have to ask the question, because i know the answer already. does it have eternal value? possibly. but i'm not confused about what it has brought already: small, yet present anxiety, a temporary fill or depletion from my self-esteem, and ultimately it has taken my time away from other endeavors that have a far richer return on my investment.
so, with a new laptop that sits on my kitchen table with 24-7 access, i'm having to ask myself the tough questions - and preparing to act on the answers i probably already knew.